Constraint
by Fallmar
Summary: Alexander is lying in the bed. His thoughts are nearly audible but he has to stay silently because his wife is next to him.


CONSTRAINT

Time was passing by as he was lying in the bed and felt the midnight breeze. The windows were half-opened there.

He asked himself as he asked it a million times in silence: why was he tensed? Why was he feel, he is in the wrong place? Why was it so true that the appearance of the body what lay next to him and pressed to his was never as unpleasant and uncomfortable as now?

He knew the answer very well. And the worst was that he tried to change it. Tried to change this all to that form, to that feeling what he had, when he'd decided this way. When he'd decided and organized the ceremony.

Nearly everybody opposed it. But it felt and seemed like the world's best decision then.

Not like later.

For example now.

Skinny, little soft hand rested on his chest what upped and downed as he inbreathed the room's air what was filled with heavy jasmine and exotic spices' smell. It was gorgeous but too heavy now. Filled his nose, made his head ache.

Something was wrong.

He shouldn't have to be there. Or shouldn't this way. Not now.

His heart squeezed and felt something piercing in his throat when swallowed. He thought it will be gone with the next swallow.

It became worse.

_˝My king, do you love me?˝_

He hoped it was just a dream to don't have to answer.

It was hard even to breathe.

It was hard even to stay calm and quietly.

It was hard even to live now.

_˝Alexander?˝_

˝I love you.˝

It was easier to say than he thought.

Maybe because it gave him the hope that he can continue the thinking to find solution.

Felt the large dark eyes on his face but didn't pay attention. He bit his tongue as light kiss reached his shoulder. It burnt even it was light.

He didn't want to feel this now. He didn't need this all now.

_Waiting for her sleeping and I leave._

He knew that she won't sleep tonight until he fulfilled his promise. And knew that he won't leave tonight.

_He needs me now she has to understand._

He didn't know how could he tell this all to her.

Felt a big pressure in his stomach when a little bell always ordered him to go.

_I am the king and have the law to do what I want. Even if she would put a dagger to my neck as our first time. She has now, I saw it. But I have my own too._

Gently movement, he pushed away her hand and grabbed the blanket.

˝Alexander.˝

˝Roxanne I want you to sleep now.˝

˝Alexander please stay with me tonight.˝

The words ached as a lance stroke him down. As a knife had been wielding in his heart, directly. He couldn't hold back his increasing anger.

How more could this woman hurt him?

˝You promised you'll stay.˝

Seeing Roxanne's wide and asking eyes he felt he would cut off.

˝I can't now.˝

She took his hand and tried to warm up that cold and firm body next to her.

˝I want to love you. Let me. There is no place where you would needed better tonight. Rest in my arms, my king.˝

_She knows nothing! Nothing!_

Never ending curse and possibly replies followed each other in his mind but no words left his mouth.

_I wasn't with her three months ago._

He wanted to hit someone.

It wasn't the appropriate time! He gave her his promise carelessly. Yes, there was a place then where he needed more than there. And it was madness.

As he knew her beneath him, holding himself up with his arms he decided he won't feel anything. Like a revenge. He will hurt her.

He took a glance to the laying body and sighed.

_If I was with him he would definitely oppose me. He wouldn't let me to handle with him this way, take him wherever I want. He would definitely fight with me by teasing._

Smiled.

Took her face with a palm and stroked it affectionately. He touched her hair for joy and let it flow among his fingers.

_If I was with him…_

_He would definitely requite my touches. He would kiss my chin or touch my arms or just give me those longing glances. He would smile to me as the little dimples would appear on the corners of his mouth. He wouldn't just lie here and wait for me._

He kissed her and inbreathed the smell of her neck. He imagined it had eucalypt and fresh air smell not that heavy spicy one.

When Roxanne grabbed his head and kissed him wildly he closed his eyes.

_No. He wouldn't kiss me back now. He would just let me explore him the way how I want while he would touch my back and stroke it up and down. He would hold me, pull me closer and slid his palms up to my nape. He would dig his nails to my skin what drives me mad._

He felt her body arch under him and felt her legs as they gave him place. It was all so obeying and easy. This all was lack of challenge and feeling. Like a written book where everything happens automatically.

_If I was with him he would already above me, force me to be beneath him. He would sit my waist, kiss my chest or just gave me the impression that he dominates me. He would never let me lead all way. Just in the battlefield._

As he moved inside her and felt the slender and flexible body's surrender he took advantage on it and became ruthless.

Roxanne didn't look at him. She never.

_He would keep the eye contact with me. He would ensure me that he loves me and needs me. He would be aware all what happening – not closing his eyes and act like a lifeless object._

When the body under him quaked and Roxanne moaned and hissed he swallowed and moved further. He waited for the end of the kiss what she gave and let her. Stroked her hair, her face and lay back to his side.

He wetted his lips.

_He wouldn't let me just leave him. He would grab me and pamper every part of my body while gave me the moans what my favorites._

_By the way…_

He smiled.

_I wouldn't leave him._

Roxanne touched his chest and laid her head to him. One of her leg captured him but it was now so releasing because it meant she didn't want anything more now.

_I should be with him now._

He felt something wet and warm what he called tear, rolling under his face but he didn't want to admit it. He hated himself to act the way like this.

Grabbed her hand and tightened it with all of his strength as the thin bones crackled under the skin. He heard the quite hiss but didn't care. Roxanne didn't say anything and let him to do whatever he wanted. It made him furious and nervous so much.

_He will leave this place at very dawn to join the part of the cohort on the riverside. Maybe he is awake already. Maybe he is staring the darkness or already preparing._

_Maybe he left already._

_And I just don't know will I see him again._


End file.
